101 Things Felix May No Longer Do In Weyard
by Firedjinn
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Felix got into a lot of shenanigans during those adventures... (Disclaimer can be found on my profile page)
The Grand List of 100 Things I, Felix, am no longer allowed to do in Weyard.

1\. Though I may plot our course and help steer, I may no longer sail the Lemurian Ship. Piers said I hadn't found my "sea legs" yet... somehow I think I never will.

2\. I will not call the Serpent of Izumo a drunken snake. Even if it technically was.

3\. Maha is not Remus Lupin.

4\. I will not borrow that Trainer's Whip to call a Kraken and reenact the Tolbi-bound ship scene.

5\. Isaac used Ragnarok on my face last time I tried it. I suspect he will do it again.

6\. I will not swap everyone's djinn in the middle of the night and leave my friends wondering why their Psynergy got so screwed up.

7\. If I do, then I will not forget to mess up Isaac's djinn up worst of all so he can't do number 5.

8\. Alex is not a girl. End of discussion.

9\. I will not push aside those dragon heads in Mars Lighthouse and then dodge so everyone gets hit with fireballs except me.

10\. Isaac is not Luke Skywalker, even if he can use the Force... Orb.

11\. Being able to cast Revive does not mean I have power over life and death.

12\. Revive does not kill zombies. Please stop trying.

13\. I may not carve secret messages on Tret's backside.

14\. Not allowed to use that Retreat spell when exhausted and drained of Psynergy because it apparently rips holes in the fabric of time and space.

15\. Not allowed to have more than thirty herbs or nuts in my pockets, for similar reasons.

16\. Not allowed to ask Piers why he was leaving Lemuria in the first place. He says it's "personal".

17\. I may not go spelunking in Obaba's forge, no matter how dark and mysterious it may seem down there.

18\. The board game "Let's-Guess-Piers's-Age!" is not a real game. Even if it were, it would not be welcome on the Lemurian ship.

19\. I may not use the Tomegathericon to create an undead army.

20\. Kraden is not the Fifth Element, nor will I send him to stand on Mt. Aleph when all four lighthouses are lit. (Alex did it anyway.)

21\. The innkeeper will not believe me if I tell him Sheba is my daughter (she's not). Even if she almost looks the part.

22\. I may not ask where baby djinn come from.

23\. Not allowed to give Ivan coffee.

24\. Not allowed to give Sheba, Jenna, or Garet coffee.

25\. Not allowed to give all four of them coffee while at the inn, shout "FIRE IN THE HOLE!", and create an underground bunker just outside of town so I can watch the destructive mayhem.

26\. Despite building the Soarwing, Ivan is not Tony Stark any more than Gust will answer to Jarvis.

27\. Ivan is not Tony Stark even if I convince Gust to answer to "Jarvis".

28\. I may not have Piers use Parch on Mercury Lighthouse. It won't do anything, anyway...

29\. May not leave Mia's service until I have discovered a viable replacement for Hermes Water.

30\. Bungee jumping from Venus lighthouse is not a sport. Even if Sheba is okay with it.

31\. I am not Indiana Jones. Nor is Isaac.

32\. I may not float the Lemurian Ship off Gaia Falls to see what's down there.

33\. Not allowed to ask Isaac what happened to HIS Lemurian Ship.

34\. Not allowed Garet the same question.

35\. Though he is technically a Philosopher's Stone, The Wise One is not and has never been property of Nicholas Flamel.

36\. Nor is he a "giant magic floating cyclops rock".

37\. Or the keeper of a "Prisoner Zero".

38\. Having Sheba cast Reveal will not show a shortcut through every single dungeon.

39\. Cannot use that broken Short Sword as an improvised lockpick on the doors in Madra's secret storehouse.

40\. I am not allowed to pick any locks, PERIOD.

41\. Cannot ask Alex for free rides using that nifty warp Psynergy of his.

42\. I may not summon Judgment on the mayor of Alhafra.

43\. When the statue in Venus Lighthouse said "The lady knows your desires," this had nothing to do with Venus's origins as a fertility goddess. Jenna said I just have a dirty mind.

44\. Kraden's lectures are not an effective substitute for using a Sacred Feather.

45\. When casting Psynergy, I may NOT hold conversations. Last time I tried healing Garet in a battle, I accidentally called our quest as an "Odyssey". Oops.

46\. Not allowed to use any sort of Earthquake psynergy while we're underground, ever again.

47\. May not summon Neptune on Poisedon solely to say "Poisedon, why are you hitting yourself?" I am, however, allowed to use Mold to the same effect.

48\. Lemuria is not Atlantis.

49\. Even if Rime says so.

50\. Not allowed to try hovering all the way up to Jupiter Lighthouse Aerie.

51\. May not use the "Move" Psynergy to make rude gestures at Alex.

52\. May not use Psynergy to make rude gestures in general.

53\. Even if the Wise One totally deserved it.

54\. The Flame Dragons will not let me ride on their backs.

55\. Not allowed to hum the Death Star theme when Karst and Agatio walk by.

56\. The same goes for Alex.

57\. And the Wise One.

58\. Not allowed to reenact the mythical lifting of Anemos to the Moon with Ivan as Anemos because he stole my stash of cookies and hid them somewhere back in Prox.

60\. May not mention Alex around Mia, unless I want a rain of icy spears coming down on my head.

61\. The lighting of Mercury Lighthouse is not the appropriate time nor place to belt out "Let It Go".

62\. No more "Stuff-the-Djinni-in-the-Cannon", because the Mars djinn almost blew it up last time.

63\. No goofing off if I don't know who's steering the ship. That's how we almost crash-landed in Vale.

64\. Even if it was technically Piers's responsibility since it's HIS boat.

65\. Not allowed to have thumb wars with Isaac and Garet using the "Move" and "Catch" Psynergies.

66\. The "Captain Picard" jokes were only funny the first few times.

67\. I may not pretend to be a mindless zombie after Jenna revives me with the Tomegathericon. She freaked out last time and hit me over the head with that old book.

68\. Not allowed to stick around in Alhafra (or Champa, for that matter) and annoy Briggs and crew with annoying, cheesy fake-pirate speech.

69\. Celebratory fireworks are not welcome in Prox. Too many accidents, apparently.

70\. I am never, EVER allowed to jump off a tall structure OF ANY KIND, ever again.

71\. That mysterious project in Kraden's cottage is most definitely not a "Cyberman". Do not mention this to him though, as we don't want him getting any ideas.

72\. Not that Ivan won't try it just because.

73\. Also, make sure Sheba isn't in on it...

74\. Not allowed to borrow Jenna's ponytail-holder when I can't find mine.

75\. I may not question djinni anatomy.

76\. Not allowed to steal Garet's hairgel.

77\. Not allowed to steal Isaac's hairgel either. See number 5.

78\. I will not use Growth to make a shortcut through the dungeon and leave everyone else behind.

79\. Smacking Conservato over the head is not an appropriate use of the "Pound" Psynergy.

80\. I may not ask what all those pretty colored bottles in Piers's uncle's house are from.

81\. May not wake Isaac in the middle of the night by pretending to be Karst out for revenge. See number 5 yet again.

82\. Not allowed to give Isaac that ring from Feizhi and tell him she proposed.

83\. Not allowed to ship Ahri and Eoleo when they're both toddlers. For once, I agree. That's just weird.

84\. No, I may not keep one of those Aqua Jellies we found on the Lemurian ship as a pet.

85\. Nor is Sheba willing to use Mind Read on it.

86\. I can not give Jenna Indran spices telling her they're candy. Involuntary fire-breathing is generally not funny.

87\. May not weaponize the results of number 86.

88\. Lonesome George is not my personal ride.

89\. Stop feeding that Squirrelfang acorns. It doesn't matter if I think it's friendly, nobody else wants a random little Squirrelfang telling all the other local monsters that we're a viable food source!

90\. I should not compare Garet to an angry porcupine.

91\. The Jupiter Star is NOT edible, no matter how hungry I may be. That is my fault for wasting all our hard-earned/stolen coins on that cool-looking sword.

92\. Even in an emergency, I should still not use Isaac's scarf as a lifeline.

93\. Or a climbing rope. See number 5.

94\. Not allowed to throw up everywhere after getting too dizzy from those stupid whirlwinds in Air's Rock.

95\. Also not allowed to "accidentally" walk into one as an excuse for backtracking through the whole building.

96\. Not allowed to flirt with summons.

97\. Not allowed to wander around the Northern Reaches with a bunch of onions to see if Phoenix tears really have magical properties.

98\. No more capture-the-flag unless Psynergy is explicitly forbidden.

99\. Mia is not willing to turn the bottom floor of the Lemurian ship into an ice-skating rink, nor would Piers be all that happy about it.

100\. Kraden does not know what a "fourth wall" is. Stop bothering him about it.

101\. Not allowed to ask Ivan to build me a spaceship, or ask Piers to help me drive the Lemurian ship off Gaia Falls, or carry out some similarly harebrained idea so I can leave Weyard and completely negate the contents of this list.


End file.
